You Are Not Lost

So as I began to read DARKNESS, QUESTIONS, POETRY AND SPIRITUAL HOPE, I thought about what many people think is dark, is actually, to some people, not bad at all. I do believe that one’s belief has everything to do with how you see life. I am going to try and stay on the topic of faith and death, since that is what we seem to be talking about in class. I personally went through the roughest time in my life in 2001. All I can say was that that year, and the 4 years after that, were like hell on earth. I was a big church kid. My parents always took me to church. I pretty much was there six days out of the week, day and night. I was involved in everything and considered myself very spiritual, you can say. 2001 started off all wrong. I lost my uncle on January 2. My favorite NASCAR driver died in February. This old sweet lady, who was like my other grandma, died from cancer, I believe, died in March or June. And the death that had the biggest impact on my life was with my grandpa, who died in May. There were also other family and friends who died within a year, including another one of my uncles and great grandmother, and my dad’s best friend who was like my uncle, to name a few more. I feared when another month came. I wondered who else was going to leave me. I had already lost the most important person in my life, so I just became numb when I heard someone else died. Death seemed to be a normal, almost monthly occurrence to me. It was hell. Even my country was attacked on 9/11. My world was being destroyed quickly. I had every right to be mad and question God. I was 10 going on 11 when this was all happening. I was suicidal at a very young age and also a cutter for about five years. I am not ashamed in talking about this now because my life has changed completely, but this is my testimony. I went through a lot of emotional issues because of all these deaths, but I saw that God never left me, like I felt everyone else did. He literally saved my life on many occasions. I completely believe that if I didn’t know that God loved me and would never leave me, I would have been dead almost 10 years ago. All this stress affected my nerves a lot. After many years, like 5, of trusting God and trying to heal, He finally broke through the silence. He delivered me from every problem I had, suicide, cutting, severe anxiety disorder, depression, it all left. All those years of praying and struggling with life paid off. God saved me when I felt like dying. I can relate so much to C.S. Lewis in a way. I know the pain and how it is to question God for putting you through this, but I learned to not give up. This was pretty much my testimony in a nutshell. There is way more to it, but I felt like sharing it. Thanks for reading. =)